Tough Love: Something Different

Debriefing session, after a few days, everyone knows that the entertainment for tonight’s briefing was coming up. Whether it was the usual weeding, the disappearing acts or the mad chasing on the bicycle, it never cease to make them laugh. Most of the time, it may be due to the initial perceived perception of her and her love towards Project WHEE! participants under her care that triggers the laughter. Well, one thing is for sure, not many would understand what we built for 2 weeks. She is Aunty Tagung, and this is our story.

On our first night in Bario, I was assigned to a certain Aunty Tagung by the coordinators. Their description of her given by them was cool actually, her boldness and directness intrigued me. I was pretty excited with the challenge of having someone different compared to other Tepuqs, but at the same time I was scared and unsure of my approach towards her. 

The first night meeting our Tepuqs was an amusing incident. There was a lady sitting alone while the other Tepuqs have their to-be-susuk (cucu, grand kids) for company. I ran into the adjacent boys’ room and asked Daniel and Rhon about the lady.

Me: “Dude, who is that lady there?”

Daniel: “Oh that is Aunty Tagung.”

Me: “Aunty Tagung, the same Aunty Tagung for my next 2 weeks?”

Rhon: “Yeah, why? Scared ah?”

Me: “Kind of, how do I say her name?”

Daniel & Rhon: “Aunty Tagung, but you could try Tepuq and see what happens……”

That was somewhat the conversation we had before I left and introduced myself to her. After sheepishly introducing myself, her stance and first sentence made me realise that these two weeks will be something interesting.

“What do you want to know about me?”

After that, she literally gave me the whole story of her family and her life; her two children, a lawyer and a doctor. She even talked about her siblings and how everyone in the longhouse is somewhat related. The story caught me off-guard as she rambled on and on, while I awkwardly sat there, bewildered by the information overload. Some first impression indeed.

An interesting fact was she has a nice garden to grow her own vegetables. Most of the time I spent with her was in her garden weeding.

My usual schedule with her:

Wake up                                  7am

Breakfast, meeting her in her garden

Weeding                                   8.30am - 10am

Tea break                                10am - 11am

Weeding                                   11am - 1pm

Lunch and break                      1pm – 3pm

Weeding                                   3pm - 4pm

Day Done! It was typical, a rigid schedule for her. 

Initially, we did not talk much, most of the time we have our peaceful moments instead of talking all the time. Sometimes, I felt that we do not communicate enough, but at the same time it was nice to have some quiet time. Nobody wants a chatterbox with them all the time. I felt that maybe we may not be close together, because we rarely talk, that got me down a bit, after hearing my other friends’ joyful experiences with their Tepuqs during debriefings.

Then, she started paying more attention to me, remembering my name finally (she thought my name was Luki at first, which was my nickname since then). She fed me so much that once I guessed that I was her livestock to be fattened for meat. She would take a container of rice, scoop her small share, then dump everything on my plate without question, same goes with the other food. It was just too much food, but since it was on my plate, I felt obligated to sit there for an hour slowly cleaning my plate. Once during our weeding session, I was squatting while pulling the weeds, and she gave me her stool to sit on, saying that my flowery pants cannot be dirtied unlike her layered pants. I guess that maybe respecting her private space and having some quiet time did bring some understanding between us, which brought us closer.

Aunty Tagung dancing like a pro; and me, well dancing ain't my strength...
Credits to Alicia

She does not shower attention towards me unlike others with their cheery attitude and constant cracking of jokes, but I know that she does care about me. I did not realise how much she cared until she gave me my Kelabit name. I was one of the last to get it, so I was anxious for it. She named me Tidan after her late husband, because it was how much she really loved me. She also gave me a Kaboq with unique beads that even Rhon was jealous! I was so touched by her gesture, never realising that I meant so much to her in 2 weeks, that we actually built a bond that close.

With a heavy heart, we parted ways at Bario Airport. I wished that I could have done more for her after all that she gave to me. Her kindness, her love, her generosity, I will never be able to repay her. Aunty Tagung, thank you for taking care of Tidan, Luke. I am grateful for everything, hope to see you soon! Bario and you will be part of my cherished memories. Your tough love is something different indeed!